This is a personal list, put together after 28 years of living in and visiting Thailand, and I claim neither that it is exhaustive nor that people will agree with all or any of the points I make. Some of the tips stem from observation, some emerge from painful experience. All I claim is that they have in general worked for me, or for others whom I have spoken to.

They are divided into categories chosen as much as for ease of readability as for any rational reason, and readers are invited to dip in casually rather than read everything in one indigestible lump. I welcome comments or disagreements with my observations; my email address is at the end.

Living in Thailand -- The Bureaucracy

Thailand lives on paper. Everything is checked and double-checked. Paperwork covers every aspect of a Thai's life, from his birth to his house registration to his ID card. A Thai should by law carry ID on his or her person all the time.

How does this affect a Westerner?

Carry ID with you all the time. It need not be your passport, but it should be something, which carries your picture and some details of your identity, including a useful telephone number to contact.

Not necessary, usually? True, but when you are in an accident, or in an altercation, you are at a disadvantage if you can't prove who you are. I know people who have spent the weekend in jail because they did not have such proof of identity on them at the time. Habeas corpus doesn't cut much ice here.

Keep your visa up to date Visas aren't that important, I've heard people scoff. After all, the maximum they can get you for is 20 000 baht, how ever long you overstay, and that's cheaper than going out every one or three months!

The math is correct, the assumption isn't. The first point to make is that if you overstay your visa, by however short a period, you are breaking the law. And if you were working at the time without a work permit, you're in double trouble. Chances are nothing will happen and you will just pay your 200 baht per day overstay at the airport. But there's an obverse side to the coin. Like the friend in Pattaya I had, for example, who overstayed his visa. After a disagreement with his wife following which the police were called he found himself in Immigration jail. Because he had no valid visa, he was unable to draw money from banks using his credit cards, and he had an uncomfortable few weeks before he was finally able to raise funds and leave the country. He had neglected something else, as well, namely:

Register at Your Embassy

Should anything happen to you and in the worst case, should you die, that registration will prove invaluable to your loved one, who will already have problems enough without unnecessary bureaucracy darkening the picture even more.

Keep on the right side of bureaucracy

They're bureaucrats, they're ill paid, they interpret the law without regard to its spirit, and they want every piece of paper absolutely right. Are they a pain? Yes, but they're sitting behind the desk not you.

• - Make sure you've got the right pieces of paper.
• - Never lose your temper
• - Speak politely
• - Smile

Gritting you teeth? Of course you are. But it's the only way. Using the formula above has twice helped me avoid a fine for throwing cigarette ends down drains.

Not using it has led friends into awful trouble. If a Thai can accompany you to offices, all the better. Playing the polite but not-with-it Westerner is often fruitful.

The Police

Be friendly, polite and courteous in all your dealings with Thai policemen, however non-friendly or impolite they may be. Never raise your voice or shout. Keep very cool. If you speak Thai use 'khrap'(man) or 'ka'(woman) as much as possible.

The following is a list of things I have found useful or all-important to have near to hand. I give reasons.

Birth certificate: It's been necessary on several occasions, including marriage

Passport: Keep it somewhere accessible but safe. Usually necessary in financial transactions with banks

ID: Not necessarily your passport, but something on your person, with a picture and details. Having such identification was very helpful when I had a car accident in 1977 - the Embassy was informed very quickly that I was in hospital unconscious.

Health Insurance: I make no bones about plugging this again and again. Somebody I know let his lapse; he had a heart attack soon afterwards and was saddled with 300 000 baht in hospital bills. The point is that for a 55-year-old man, less for younger men, a high level of care with BUPA costs 100 baht per day. A one-off payment of 36 thousand baht per year, it seems a lot, but can be saved for on a monthly basis. 100 baht per day is less than the cost of two beers. Does that put in into perspective?

Life Insurance: Am I being unnecessarily gloomy and pessimistic? Perhaps, but there are a few aspects that deserve attention. I give as an example the case of a friend of mine who died tragically early from a heart attack here in Bangkok. He was unmarried, and indeed had told me he saw no point in life insurance because he had no dependants. The truth of the matter was his death caused all sorts of financial complications for his parents who had to fly to Thailand from the States to bring their son home for burial. They incurred enormous costs.

A small insurance policy would have covered all this.

If you're married and uninsured then I think this is criminal unless you're very rich. Not only will your death bring grief and suffering to your family, but ensuing financial hardship will make their loss even harder to bear and will mar their memory of you.

Term insurance - insurance payable only in the case of your death, with no savings element - is not expensive; I pay just 120 baht per day to ensure that if I die before the age of 65, my wife will receive 6 000 000 baht in the case of my death. The term can be extended beyond 65 as well.

Another good tip; tell your life insurance company you want your policy to be 'age admitted' , a phrase which means you have proved to them, by sending them your birth certificate, that you are exactly the age you claimed to be when you originally took out the policy. Speeds things up; the company will not have to check that you were the age you said you were.

Contact me if you want details.

Belongings Don't need it? Haven't got anything worth insuring!

Insurance

How many times have I heard this?

I'll prove the point. I'll show you my situation.

I am not rich, and I don't 'own much'.

Imagine all I have is destroyed by fire. What are replacement costs? Worst case scenario : the fire is my fault, and the landlord makes me pay for furnishings etc., because I was in the wrong. Prices include fittings.

When thinking of house contents insurance, I find melodrama helps. Imagine you are standing outside the glowing ashes of what was once your home, with your wife and yourself wrapped in blankets. Everything else has gone up in smoke, and you need to start again from scratch. The question is - how much to replace all your belongings?

I think you'll find my figure above is low, if you make a careful inventory of all your possessions. Books, expensive items such as jewelry, camera, TVs etc can really put your net value up! A good business suit can cost 15 000 baht alone.

Contact me for a good agency for house contents insurance! You'll be pleasantly surprised how reasonable the premiums are.

Your Will

Gloomy today, aren't we? Are you married? If you're British and interstate, all kinds of nausea will attend an already grieving wife. If you die interstate, the estate is divided up into sections, part of which your wife will benefit from and part of which your children will enjoy. It takes a long time, an inevitable visit to GB, and endless visits to solicitors.

If, however, you have made a valid and attested will, things will go much more smoothly, helping your loved ones just when they need help.

A proper will is easy to make. Just get two witnesses, preferably British if you are British, to sign it and give their addresses in UK. They cannot benefit under the will, by the way. No will form? Ask a friend or relative to buy one in W.H. Smith's and send it out to you. Complete it, and keep it in a safe place. Any will with mistakes or changes in it is invalid. Divorce and remarriage invalidate a will; make a new one.

Bob Wilde is a freelance writer, teacher, translator, proofreader and report editor who has been living in and associated with Thailand for some 27 years. He welcomes comments on his articles and all aspects of living in the Kingdom.